Help Me Help You
Empowerment tools for Employees and Volunteers
Positive Feedback Exercise
Positive feedback is one of the most powerful tools available for employee motivation.
Most leaders have people in their company or team who they repeatedly ask not do something, but they just seem to keep on pushing those unwanted behaviors?
Try to give them positive feedback. Stop talking to them about the behaviors you don't want and start acknowledging them for the things they do right.
This is true for ourselves as well. When last did you acknowledge yourself for anything? We are our own worst critics. We simply don't acknowledge ourselves. We also don't acknowledge others.
For some reason we only focus on what's wrong and then talk about correcting that.
The exception is when we interact with toddlers. This is the only time that you will see people in general give lots and lots of acknowledgments.
When a baby give their first steps in life and the parents are there to witness it, you never hear them say "You look stupid when you walk. You are doing it wrong. You were good at crawling and should stick to it"
No, we encourage and acknowledge them. For some reason, this all change when we grow up and there seem to be a general perception that adults don't need acknowledgments.
In a previous post I wrote about gratitude and how we don't appreciate the present enough. We mainly focus on what we don't have. I think it is this habit that stop people from acknowledging others.
We tend to focus only on the negatives and leave the good things to look after themselves.
Another blockage is the fear for emotional discomfort. We feel emotionally uncomfortable when we give an acknowledgment. We don't want to sound corny.
So Where Is The Power In Positive Feedback?
By focusing on the behavior that you want...in yourself and others, you give more attention to it. You are strengthening the thinking patterns that are in line with what you want.
This is true for you and for others. If you only focus on what people do wrong, you are strengthening the thinking patterns that you don't want.
Positive Feedback Exercise
Have you ever had the experience that when someone mentions your strengths, you tend to discount them?
We often walk around as "crap detectors" in that we look for the negative qualities in ourselves and in other people.
We give feedback to one another only when we have something negative to say, rather than balancing it out with the strengths of the individual as well.
The skill that you and your employees will learn by doing this activity will help to balance that out.
Our first Emotional Intelligence Activity
Purpose Of The Activity
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To reinforce each individual's concept of what they bring to the team and the division/department.
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To assess individual and collective strengths.
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To have participants practice giving and receiving feedback on strengths rather than negatives.
The Process
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Have participants sit in a circle. This work best if it's not around a table. This is not absolutely necessary, but it adds to the power of the activity.
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Ask the participants to think of people in the team that they would like to give positive feedback to. This could be for something they've done for them and they haven't thanked them yet. Or it could be just a strength that they would like to acknowledge in a fellow employee.
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If person 1 wants to acknowledge person 2, then both stand up. Person 1 then give the positive feedback to person 2. After they are finished, both sit down again.
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Give the feedback in the first person. Don't talk to the rest of the team...talk to the person you want to give feedback to. For example, don't say "Susan is always honest and willing to speak her mind". Rather say to Susan, "Susan, YOU are always honest and willing to speak YOUR mind"
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Try to acknowledge one person at a time.
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People can have as many turns to acknowledge as they want.
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This activity can make people feel emotionally uncomfortable. Sometimes they relieve the discomfort by cracking jokes or to make comments on other people's positive feedback. Remind them not to do it.
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If you receive positive feedback, just say thank you. Don't reply. Allow yourself to let the feedback in and don't discount it.
Guidelines For Positive Feedback
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It need to be true for you, are verifiable and based on observation.
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Speak from your experience and from your hart to the person.
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Look the person in the eye and speak to him/her directly, not about him/her in the third person.
Debrief The Activity
After the session, debrief the activity with the following questions
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What were your general feelings of the experience?
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How did it feel to give feedback?
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How did it feel to receive feedback?
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What did you learn about how people perceive you?
A Couple Of Points To Remember:
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Giving acknowledgment is a habit. This exercise is a very structured way of doing it...almost artificial. Don't worry, after a while it will become second nature. It will almost feel like learning to drive a car. Forced in the beginning, second nature later on.
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It is important for leaders to acknowledge individuals, but it is also important for team members to acknowledge one another. This creates a healthy team environment.
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When you give positive feedback, try to do it face to face. It is just more powerful. If you can, try not to do it with an e-mail or a text message. Of course these methods are better than nothing, but face to face is always better.
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Do this activity often. End every meeting with an opportunity for team members to acknowledge one another. If you keep it up, it will become a habit.